I have a few simple rules that I follow that can help you deal with the ever-present misconceptions and misunderstandings about working moms.
Working moms are often harshly and unfairly judged, simply because they are a mom with a job. Unfortunately, there are still negative implications that are falsely derived from being a mom with a job. If I had a dollar for every time a mom of one of my daughter’s friends said to me “oh it’s really a shame you missed that concert. ” Or “I know if that were my daughter she would have been really disappointed that I wasn’t there for blah blah blah…” I’d be wealthy. Or even worse is when they (or their kids) make those statements directly to my daughter. It is likely that most of these women don’t have a job outside the home, or may have a 9-5 job that keeps them local and home at night…and great for them if that’s what makes them happy!
Not all working moms are the same. Don’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
We are all wired differently and uniquely but that doesn’t make one mom better than another. Me personally? I’ve been working my butt off like a madwoman since the age of 13. From babysitting, mowing lawns, working for my grandpa who owned a sausage company to selling odds and ends to my neighbors, making birdhouses…you name it…all by the age of 15. It’s in my blood and part of my DNA – I can’t help it!
I’ve never been adverse to hard work. I certainly didn’t grow up rich. I always had at least one job if not three. I never borrowed money from anyone even when times were tough. I paid my way through my MBA by coaching figure skating (started coaching when I was 17), and I was pretty good at it and loved it! I did this for about 10 years until I got my first job in Corporate America and had to travel every week. Then, I needed to cut those ties even though it was my passion. Since I was a young teenager I wanted to have that “cool” career where I was influential, wore a suit, and made money. This image was quite important to me when I was younger.
Being part of Corporate America is not always glorious.
Initially, the Corporate experience was amazing. I loved what I did and the experience was invaluable — for the most part — except for the cut-throat and toxic part. The travel is grueling, the lifestyle of eating and drinking in fancy restaurants all the time gets old real fast, and dealing with co-workers who drink too much on the company’s dime is really not my idea of fun. But all of this taught me my most important life lesson: that being inauthentic does not serve any purpose in my life, and in fact it’s poisonous.
Somewhere along the way, after being married for almost 8 years, we decided it was time to have a baby. 9 months later, Little Miss Alexa, the love of my life, was born.
And everything changed.
Sure it would’ve been cool to be married to some rich guy, or to come from a wealthy family so I could stay home full time. But that was not at all the case, and looking back I’m very glad for that. I was fortunate to have my mom close by, and she was my savior in terms of being with my daughter when I traveled . And she took care of her in my home, in the mornings before school while I worked in my home office.
So here is my advice to other working moms who are in a similar position.
Whether you love your job and it fulfills you, or if you feel you have no alternative since you are the main breadwinner.
Strong women raise strong children.
It takes great strength, motivation, self-control and determination to carry the weight of a career and raise a child. Your kids will see this, appreciate it, and emulate it as they get older. Trust me.
Don’t fret about those negative comments from other women.
That is their choice, and it’s none of their business what you do. They don’t know YOU or your story. Try to remember in the moment where these types of comments are coming from….usually fear, jealousy, and self-doubt. Sounds like this person would benefit greatly from coaching!
When you’re at home and not working, disengage and disconnect.
Spend quality time with your children, and don’t live your lives through a camera lens with pictures posted all over social media. The new Covid world in which we live has blurred the lines between work and personal time at home. It’s more important than ever to set these boundaries.
Whenever possible, attend your child’s important events.
It’s not always possible, but you can plan better and sooner. At the start of the school year, gather all of your children’s dates for club activities, concerts, etc. Take a few hours to go through them all. Get every single event that requires you to be home (meaning in town), on your calendar as PTO/vacation. This was one of the lessons it took me a while to learn, but it’s an important one.
Wait for it!
In the long run, your children will RESPECT you for how hard you work to give them what they have. You may think it’s impossible, but that day will come and you will be elated. These days, my daughter consistently says (to me and others) how hard her mom works and how proud she is to have a mom like me. That little bit of validation goes a long way!
